Malay BridesMaids & Her Duties

You think since this is a practice this generation love to partake in, you would think they would know the actual roles that comes with it. Unfortunately, I've seen enough weddings to see clueless bridesmaids loitering around or 'tangkap jambu' (act as if they are the highlight of the event).

I may be old and not going to have bride's maids in my wedding but I am not so out of touch okay? But let me tell you, what you ladies can do and be actually helpful which in turn, makes the bride extra happy.

For the Bride

Please choose your bridesmaids wisely. These ladies should be one of your pillar of strength, who will support, advice and help you. Preferably, your best friend or your closest friends, not just any one who to meet your quota or to only mindless follow you because it looks nice.

For the Bridesmaids

If you are a chosen bridesmaid, please don't complain. It is an honor that you are appointed and trusted to be a integral part of the couple's life. But that note, as much as they can tell you what to do, that does not mean they can boss you around. Voice out your opinion as you have your right too since you are the bridesmaid.

Pre-Wedding

❣ Help with Making Decisions
Planning a wedding can be overwhelming especially if the bride is fickle-minded. In some situations, brides needs an extra eye and mind in decision making. Remember it's HER wedding so your opinion should base on HER suitability.

❣ Help Deal with the Wedding Stress
The bride will rant, she will cry and she will be angry. Be hear listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and give her your best support and advice.

❣ Organize a Hen Party
Not compulsory but it will help the bride to relax. Book a room, decorate it, play games, do pedi-mani, face masks and such. Note that if you are going to organize this, it all should come from your own pocket money.

❣ Run Last Minute Errands
Sometimes, a few days before a wedding, there might be some forgotten or depleting items like ribbons or flowers. You MAY need to zoom to the nearest shop to get it.

❣ Bride's Maid Outfits
Unless the bride offers to buy for your outfit, buy one yourself. Just make sure it fits the bride's criteria in terms of color and style.

On the Wedding Day

❣ Be Early
You are greatly encouraged to be at the wedding as early as possible because you never know when the bride might need your help. When there are so many things happening at the same time, the bride will feel overwhelmed. You need to be there for her STAT.

❣ Help Deal with Vendors 
Some vendors' jobs is to set up and leave and the bride or groom can't be there to inspect and pay. You may have to liaise with them and help pay their deposits on behalf of the couple.

❣ Wait on the Bride Hands and Feet
It does not sound as bad it seems. Just make sure the bride had her meal of the day, that she is calm, that she is hydrated throughout the day or see if she needs anything. If the Mak Andam is there the whole day, let her handle her job such as make up, dressing up and dealing with the proper cultural procedures needed.

❣ Follow the Bride Around 
Follow like ducklings follows it's mother. To give support, makes her smile/ laugh (if her smile is starting to look stiff) or to be there if she needs something (call a family member or a drink of water).

This includes the bride and groom's entrance. If there was no plan for you to lead like the western culture, follow the bride and groom from behind. This is mostly for the 2nd entrance with the evening wear.

❣ Be the Side Hostess
Naturally, the parents of the bride or aunties will help with the major hosting of the guests. But you can help to with guiding some guests to the parents, encourage them to eat, participate in the photo booth or sign the guestbook. Perhaps you need to help gather families for photo taking too.

❣ Taking your Break
With so many things to do, when is your break time? If there are many bridesmaids, take shifts or you can eat while the bride is changing, eating with her husband or while photo taking. Make sure you inform the bride so she knows where you are.


After the Wedding Event

❣ Taking Care of the Bride
Make sure she gets what she needs to rest. Food, drinks, wet wipes and such. If she requires you to get something and you can help, help.

❣ Cleaning Up
You don't have to help spring clean until it sparkles. Just help clean up any mess like litter or items that are disorganized to lighten the bride's burden.

❣ Leave When You are Not Needed
Before you end the day and get your own rest, make sure the bride and family has everything under control. Do not leave as you wish without knowing everyone has more or less settled down and no longer need any additional help.

These are just the main basic duties of a bridesmaid and if you follow these guidelines, not only the bride but also the groom and her family will be grateful for being there emotionally and physically.

"But zzanyy, you said you are not going to have any bridesmaids, who is doing all those stuff for you?"

Anyone and everyone who is available and willing to help, family, relatives and my best buddy, Fizah. In the old times, these people are called 'orang kuat' who are going be your pillar of strength. Fizah obviously is mostly going to support me emotionally. haha

But there it is, if you read this post, pass it along. Don't have bridesmaids for the sake of only making a photo or atmosphere livelier. They have actual duties to give the bride support so make sure they do it!