[Trials & Tribulations of bride & groom-to-be]
Elders like to say, the period of engagement or the period towards the wedding is one of the critical components in a relationship. It will make or break the relationship as you will see the partner's true colors and how they deal in problem solving.
There's plenty of scenarios that will test the couple. Some may be small and some may be big to a point of maximum stress. It all varies to each couple but here are the scenarios you may have to deal together.
🙈 The Money Minded Parents/ In-laws
Every decision made is all money inclined. Void deck wedding is low class, the berkat look so cheap, the wedding ring is too simple, the hantaran is so little. Everything must be top-notch and not considering the couple's financial standing.
🙈 The No Back Bone
No doubt family comes first but it can be really annoying if your partner seems to side his/her family than you in decision making. You will never win which is frustrating because there is no compromise.
🙈 The Family Business
Just because the family has connections such as the auntie who does cooking, cousin who does makeup, the uncle who does photography and etc that does not mean you want to use them. There's nothing wrong having family play a part in your wedding but what if you don't like your cousin's makeup style or that auntie's catering packages are expensive. Couple may feel they are in a spot because of family ties.
🙈 The Broken Family
It's really frustrating when your family can't even sit down for a few minutes or let alone breathe the same air for a discussion. A simple sentence will eventually lead to a quarrel and what supposed to be a happy and all about family unity, it's all drama. You will no doubt feel sad because why can't everyone just get along for a day.
🙈 The Stubborn Woman
Women are know for dreamers especially when it comes to their wedding. There are ladies who had start their day dreaming as soon as they reach puberty. That dream would be a goal and when THE day comes, she will try all her might to achieve that. Does not matter if it makes sense financially or logically.
🙈 The Hands Off Man
If given a choice, most men usually just want to head to the ROMM, have lunch and consummate. Wedding stuff is truly not their thing and instead of making an effort to help, they say "you do whatever you want to do lah". That may seem a green card to some but it may be disheartening because wedding planning can be stressful and the woman could always use an extra mind to decide.
🙈 The Heck Care Parents
This may be a good thing to some couple because all the decision making is all for you. The downside is that these parents don't step up when they are needed the most, such as formally inviting your immediate families to the wedding, help host with the guests or don't intend to 'participate' and you start to wonder, were you adopted or what?
🙈 The Mind What Others Say
This mostly revolves the older folk. Even if there's logic or the couple has done nothing wrong to even insinuate such negative vibes, the elders still worry what the other mak cik or pak cik would say. If you have a simple wedding, you have no money. If you get married without engagement, couple might have 'shot gun'. If you have a modern wedding, couple is uncultured and lavish wedding? You are wasteful. So why do we still try to impress them?
🙈 The Close Minded Ones
People who thinks who knows everything actually knows the least. Think about it. You will get this more if you are marrying a non-local, of different religion or a partner who is known for his/her (what is deemed bad) lifestyle such as tattoos, divorcee or working with low pay. Immediately, these people will spew advises and concerns without actually making an effort to know the couple. Will these naysayers break your trust in each other?
🙈 The After Pre-Marriage Courses
Sometimes you think you know your partner especially in decision making after you are officially man and wife. Sure, he/ she may seem understanding but when family is involved, the rules may change. You will be surprised as for some couples, it's only through the courses they suddenly really think about what happens next after the wedding, discussion on living in which house, weekly visits to the in-laws, money handling and such.
🙈 The Mandate
A trait mostly dominated by parents, it can be frustrating when they get too bossy. It's their way or the highway. If they pay for most of the wedding expenses, it's not that bad but what if the couple paid for everything but still have to deal with the parent's opinions and taste?
🙈 The Control Freak
Not much of a difference compared to The Mandate but instead of asking you to book certain vendors or want their choices to be picked, they actually book the vendors before telling you! So you ended up with 2 types of caterers in your hands and you had already deposited.
🙈 The Sudden Jealousy
Malay elders like to say this period is where the naughty jinn likes to pay extra attention to you. Thoughts of mistrust and jealousy may reign over your mind. What seemed to be okay while dating, suddenly coming home from work later than usual may start a fight. Suddenly, you may find yourself screening more on anyone that pays just a little attention to your future spouse.
🙈 The Big-Little Fights
Suddenly, you may find yourself quarreling more than usual even about the littlest things. You don't know why but everything seems sets you off. It's mostly because of wedding stress but don't let it overcome you. Deal with it maturely and responsibly.
🙈 The In-laws vs You
You partner may love you but that does not mean his/her family will love you. It is a sad truth. Sometimes, you may try your best to impress or be of the best behavior but there's just no chemistry or they don't see and understand your character. You may be shy or quiet by nature but they might see it as anti-social or they just think you are undeserving of their child. Stay strong and all matters is the support of your partner and own family.
🙈 The In-laws vs In-laws
The story of Romeo and Juliet may not be so far fetched as you think, of course minus the dying part. Different point of views and characters are the main factors especially when no one wants to back down and can't even keep up with appearances. The good news is that having a separate wedding helps and the bad news is that family functions may be intense.
🙈 The Wedding Disagreements
There are less disagreements if you are having a separate wedding but a combined one may be difficult. The lady may want a flowery wedding while the man wants a simple black and white wedding. Preferences may vary even when you are celebrating the day you become as one.
🙈 The One Sided One
"Asyik ikut you dengan family you aje" (I have to always follow you and your family). What happens when you always give in and started to lose your own voice and opinion? Usually, at first, it's not so bad but in the long run, it's the kind of thing that eats you up inside.
🙈 The Cold Feet
You are finally going to tie the knot and you may start to doubt yourself, F.O.M.O (Fear of missing out). You might think you haven't achieve you need to achieve before settling down. Is this the man/woman you really want to spend the rest of your life with? Are there anyone better?
🙈 The Cheater
Just because you both are dead set heading towards the aisle, that does not mean your partner may not cheat. People do cheat, it sucks. It's either they are assholes to begin with or it's cold feet that drives them there. Will you forgive or still give them a chance?
🙈 The Ex
Some people just do not know how to let go. Whether it's the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or the ex-husband/wife. They love to linger and even though you are getting married, it does not stop them. They in fact sometimes interfere even more, trying to rock your relationship. The problem maybe them but you must also look at your future spouse, are they doing something to avoid it or milking it?
Elders like to say, the period of engagement or the period towards the wedding is one of the critical components in a relationship. It will make or break the relationship as you will see the partner's true colors and how they deal in problem solving.
There's plenty of scenarios that will test the couple. Some may be small and some may be big to a point of maximum stress. It all varies to each couple but here are the scenarios you may have to deal together.
🙈 The Money Minded Parents/ In-laws
Every decision made is all money inclined. Void deck wedding is low class, the berkat look so cheap, the wedding ring is too simple, the hantaran is so little. Everything must be top-notch and not considering the couple's financial standing.
🙈 The No Back Bone
No doubt family comes first but it can be really annoying if your partner seems to side his/her family than you in decision making. You will never win which is frustrating because there is no compromise.
🙈 The Family Business
Just because the family has connections such as the auntie who does cooking, cousin who does makeup, the uncle who does photography and etc that does not mean you want to use them. There's nothing wrong having family play a part in your wedding but what if you don't like your cousin's makeup style or that auntie's catering packages are expensive. Couple may feel they are in a spot because of family ties.
🙈 The Broken Family
It's really frustrating when your family can't even sit down for a few minutes or let alone breathe the same air for a discussion. A simple sentence will eventually lead to a quarrel and what supposed to be a happy and all about family unity, it's all drama. You will no doubt feel sad because why can't everyone just get along for a day.
🙈 The Stubborn Woman
Women are know for dreamers especially when it comes to their wedding. There are ladies who had start their day dreaming as soon as they reach puberty. That dream would be a goal and when THE day comes, she will try all her might to achieve that. Does not matter if it makes sense financially or logically.
🙈 The Hands Off Man
If given a choice, most men usually just want to head to the ROMM, have lunch and consummate. Wedding stuff is truly not their thing and instead of making an effort to help, they say "you do whatever you want to do lah". That may seem a green card to some but it may be disheartening because wedding planning can be stressful and the woman could always use an extra mind to decide.
🙈 The Heck Care Parents
This may be a good thing to some couple because all the decision making is all for you. The downside is that these parents don't step up when they are needed the most, such as formally inviting your immediate families to the wedding, help host with the guests or don't intend to 'participate' and you start to wonder, were you adopted or what?
🙈 The Mind What Others Say
This mostly revolves the older folk. Even if there's logic or the couple has done nothing wrong to even insinuate such negative vibes, the elders still worry what the other mak cik or pak cik would say. If you have a simple wedding, you have no money. If you get married without engagement, couple might have 'shot gun'. If you have a modern wedding, couple is uncultured and lavish wedding? You are wasteful. So why do we still try to impress them?
🙈 The Close Minded Ones
People who thinks who knows everything actually knows the least. Think about it. You will get this more if you are marrying a non-local, of different religion or a partner who is known for his/her (what is deemed bad) lifestyle such as tattoos, divorcee or working with low pay. Immediately, these people will spew advises and concerns without actually making an effort to know the couple. Will these naysayers break your trust in each other?
Sometimes you think you know your partner especially in decision making after you are officially man and wife. Sure, he/ she may seem understanding but when family is involved, the rules may change. You will be surprised as for some couples, it's only through the courses they suddenly really think about what happens next after the wedding, discussion on living in which house, weekly visits to the in-laws, money handling and such.
🙈 The Mandate
A trait mostly dominated by parents, it can be frustrating when they get too bossy. It's their way or the highway. If they pay for most of the wedding expenses, it's not that bad but what if the couple paid for everything but still have to deal with the parent's opinions and taste?
🙈 The Control Freak
Not much of a difference compared to The Mandate but instead of asking you to book certain vendors or want their choices to be picked, they actually book the vendors before telling you! So you ended up with 2 types of caterers in your hands and you had already deposited.
🙈 The Sudden Jealousy
Malay elders like to say this period is where the naughty jinn likes to pay extra attention to you. Thoughts of mistrust and jealousy may reign over your mind. What seemed to be okay while dating, suddenly coming home from work later than usual may start a fight. Suddenly, you may find yourself screening more on anyone that pays just a little attention to your future spouse.
🙈 The Big-Little Fights
Suddenly, you may find yourself quarreling more than usual even about the littlest things. You don't know why but everything seems sets you off. It's mostly because of wedding stress but don't let it overcome you. Deal with it maturely and responsibly.
🙈 The In-laws vs You
You partner may love you but that does not mean his/her family will love you. It is a sad truth. Sometimes, you may try your best to impress or be of the best behavior but there's just no chemistry or they don't see and understand your character. You may be shy or quiet by nature but they might see it as anti-social or they just think you are undeserving of their child. Stay strong and all matters is the support of your partner and own family.
🙈 The In-laws vs In-laws
The story of Romeo and Juliet may not be so far fetched as you think, of course minus the dying part. Different point of views and characters are the main factors especially when no one wants to back down and can't even keep up with appearances. The good news is that having a separate wedding helps and the bad news is that family functions may be intense.
🙈 The Wedding Disagreements
There are less disagreements if you are having a separate wedding but a combined one may be difficult. The lady may want a flowery wedding while the man wants a simple black and white wedding. Preferences may vary even when you are celebrating the day you become as one.
🙈 The One Sided One
"Asyik ikut you dengan family you aje" (I have to always follow you and your family). What happens when you always give in and started to lose your own voice and opinion? Usually, at first, it's not so bad but in the long run, it's the kind of thing that eats you up inside.
🙈 The Cold Feet
You are finally going to tie the knot and you may start to doubt yourself, F.O.M.O (Fear of missing out). You might think you haven't achieve you need to achieve before settling down. Is this the man/woman you really want to spend the rest of your life with? Are there anyone better?
Just because you both are dead set heading towards the aisle, that does not mean your partner may not cheat. People do cheat, it sucks. It's either they are assholes to begin with or it's cold feet that drives them there. Will you forgive or still give them a chance?
🙈 The Ex
Some people just do not know how to let go. Whether it's the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or the ex-husband/wife. They love to linger and even though you are getting married, it does not stop them. They in fact sometimes interfere even more, trying to rock your relationship. The problem maybe them but you must also look at your future spouse, are they doing something to avoid it or milking it?
🙈 The Body Conscious One
Although this leans more to the ladies, some men may have this problem too. Getting married is one of many forms of motivation to lose weight or get fit. If done moderately, it should not be a problem but some ladies tend to get overboard. Crazy diets like fruit diets, water diets, excessive exercising or depriving themselves with food is nothing new to some BTB. It's unhealthy and instead of looking glowy, they look sickly and worst case, you may faint on the pelamin!
I didn't mean this to be a long post but apparently, I have been exposed to plenty of relationship drama so I managed to word vomit all these? haha Anyways, not every couple will experience all of the above. Sometimes they will experience one or two or a little bit of this and that.
I don't mean to stress any readers with all this negativity. This is to inform ALL couples that will some way or another experience such scenarios so do not feel sad or depressed. All that matters is support from your partner, family and/or friends.
When it comes to any problems, discuss and handle it maturely & logically and everything will be alright.
🙈 The Budget Horror
So you think you got it under control in your wedding finances and suddenly, everything is not cracked up to be. Suddenly there are hidden or forgotten costs and what seemed to be a comfortable climb, turns out to be a steep mountain.
I don't mean to stress any readers with all this negativity. This is to inform ALL couples that will some way or another experience such scenarios so do not feel sad or depressed. All that matters is support from your partner, family and/or friends.
When it comes to any problems, discuss and handle it maturely & logically and everything will be alright.
