Wedding Review: Tok Kadi Hassan

Eh? Tok Kadi pun kena review? lol

Yea, I initially didn't intend to until I received an email from ROMM to give feedback on our tok kadi. Not only that, the topic of tok kadi is also one of the top searched posts on my blog. So I figured, I share my hands on experience with Kadi Hassan.

I came across Kadi Hassan after intense researching of tok kadi speaking in English videos among others. I listed him among 4 others and showed all the videos to Jhon. Since he is the one who will face him especially at a pivotal moment, I let him choose according to preference.

Kadi Hassan was his first choice.

I didn't knew much of him but judging by his age, I could tell, he might be long winded. Biasalah kan? Older folks has more stories to tell. hehe I noticed that he also does minor physical touches. For me, if a stranger touch me especially when stressed, I get more stressed. lol But Jhon didn't mind at all. He said he reminds him of his grandpa and the touching would comfort him.

So okay lor!

We were so lucky to able to choose him while registering.
No issues there.

Fast forward to 1 week before our wedding, Jhon made a call to Kadi Hassan because we were advised to to double confirm the arrangements. Apparently, he didn't have the papers in hand and said will call us ASAP when he got our complete details.

2 days passed and Jhon started to get nervous. Silly man. Eventually, Kadi Hassan called me. The reason being, he said it's easier to explain to me (since as a Malay/ Muslim, I already roughly know the procedure) and I can explain to Jhon better.

He double checked with our details and shared a list of facts we should know.

❣ He is a 75 years old freelance Kadi. He has no office in ROMM, therefore the slight delay in paperwork to receive in his hands. He only goes out when a couple requests for him.

❣ Someone has to pick him up near his house to your wedding location. I see no problem in this because of his age AND I love it that we can control his arrival to avoid late/ lost tok kadi. Don't worry, he will give specific road directions.

❣ He didn't specify but on my wedding day, my bro had to send him back to his house only because he has no appointment until 4pm. So after makan, they went.

❣ He explains in complete detail on what is going to happen during the solemnization.
- Marriage declaration
- Recite Syahadah
- Kadi's Khutbah
- Istigfar
- Recite Al-Fatihah
- Recite Taqlik

❣ He ensures greatly that he will never ask Jhon religious questions but Jhon can ask him.

❣ He ensures that he will never shame Jhon or put him in a spot in any way.

❣ Being a freelance Kadi, he does indirectly request to give more than the standard S$100; how much extra is up to you.

❣ He said if Jhon requires, he can write down the nikah declaration and even prayers just in case he forgets. It would considered as acceptable.

He is a friendly, nice and a warm person. Yes, sometimes ter-off course in the conversation but tolerable.

On THE day.


Again, I try not to share so much story on a personal level but I tell you, it's story worthy.
So what ah... haha

Kadi Hassan was calm and confident. Even when Jhon was emotionally scattered, he tried to calm Jhon down. Before the proceedings started, he gave advises and mini lessons. He advised everyone to never question and shame Jhon directly or indirectly. Nobody is perfect and instead do self-reflections first.

I tell you, majority and if not all of his advises were on the ringer. All the trials and tribulations of certain people commenting about our relationship and religion strength was all mentioned. Best of all, those people were present. So it's almost Godsend when he said all those things. Maybe he is long winded to other people but I don't mind. What he said are vital not only to us as a couple but to also other people. Plus, he didn't exceed my itinerary time.

Being a tok kadi for so many decades, he also knows the standard procedures in photo taking and such. So he was also the guide to help pose, vital moments and such which was nice.

Majority liked Kadi Hassan, especially my mom. She knew about people's comments about Jhon too so she had felt very happy that someone wise had declared what's truly right and wrong.

We have the utmost respect for him and glad he was the one who married us off.

For those who are wondering, the marriage declaration in English is

"I accept the hand of, [bride's full name] in marriage, with the said mahar."

Will consider to post a video of him in action when we have our wedding video.

   

2 comments

  1. I am so so so happy to find your blog!!! You've completely taken off all my worries in the daunting tasks in getting married to someone who wasn't born a muslim. Thank you so much for having this page!

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    Replies
    1. Alhamdulillah. Thank you so much for your compliments and I am so happy to know readers like you find my blog helpful and relatable. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

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