For those who has been following my pregnancy journey, you would know that Sarah was a breech baby and an elective cesarean date was booked on 25th August 2017 at 39weeks 2 days. I've also wrote how it still boils down to her if she wants to emerge earlier. So yes, I was mentally prepared for both scenarios but no, I wasn't when it all happened on 17th August 2017.
It's going to be a long post and not necessarily interesting but it's my experience nonetheless.
You've been warned.
At Home
It was just another ordinary day for me. Home alone, busied myself with crocheting, light housework, watch Youtube & online movies and thought what to cook for dinner. My braxton hicks had been coming in often but nothing severe so I think nothing of it. I also get bouts of cramps and feeling of wanting to poop; again, minor.
At about 3pm, I went to the toilet to pee and my pantiliner was stained with blood; like early signs of period. Note that I had never had my cervix check which does cause a little bleeding. I did whispered to myself "Oh shit" wondering if it means it was time. I remained cool telling myself it's just one of many signs of labour and it does not even mean imminent.
I WhatsApp messaged Jhon to report as I always do but told him to stay cool. I did the same with Mak but everyone was concerned. The bloody show happened 2 more times for every toilet break and Mak dropped everything and frantically told me to go to the hospital. The cool and calm me started to panic. I wasn't in pain or anything, it's just blood but Mak told me that's what's exactly happened to her when she gave birth to Kakak. Bloody show, no pain and soon enough, labour.
By then, Jhon just left work and took a cab home. Meanwhile, I informed my siblings and as luck has it, Abang had just finished work and offered to send us to KKH in his car. Abang was the second to arrive and had a quick dinner(maggie) while waiting for Jhon. I was starving and thought nothing and ate a cup of Nestle instant oats. I don't know why I was in such denial that I was in actual labour. haha When Jhon reached home, he packed his last minute essentials for the hospital bag; just in case and I made him ate something too.
In the Hospital - Observation Room
By 8+pm, we were at KKH labour and delivery. I explained what happened and we wanted to check if everything was okay. My baby was breeched afterall. Like what Mak said, better check before one leg is out of my vajayjay and another whole complication ensued.
They checked, got shocked when I told them I ate (supposed to fast 6 hours before c-section; like I said, didn't feel I was in early labour) and it turned out that I'm 2cm dilated with contractions 5 minutes apart. Yes, I terperanjat.
My gynae in-charge of my general subsidized appointments was Dr Freda Khoo and although I was okay with her, I did insist for a senior doctor in-charge of the night to operate me or at least in the operating theatre to supervise. I've mentioned this in my previous appointment that I was told I was too late in my pregnancy (appointments) to choose a doctor when I wanted to change to a private class delivery. So cue in Dr Alex See Tze Ann but she wasn't ready to see me as she was busy with other moms at that moment.
Anyways, due to my perangai-budak-gemuk wanting to eat something, they don't want to operate me as soon as possible. The anesthesiologist who visited said that they don't want to risk having food going into my lungs while being operated. Basically, it's a waiting game and up to the doctor if they wanted to wait 6 hours or morning after to operate me.
Side note: If I had not ate, Sarah could've been born on 17.8.17. Nice right the number? Lol but too bad, it was fated that her birthday is shared with my non-other SIL, Kak Yana who had actually planned a birthday/wedding anniversary party. Yes, I was invited too to the mini party and Sarah totally stole her limelight.
I had remained cool most of the time until I realized things were picking up, blood withdraws, forms signed, IV in and such. All I knew, I was being prepped up and almost immediately, I had the shakes. Mentally, I was okay but my body disagreed. I honestly couldn't control it and as soon as I was wheeled to the lobby of the operating theatre (at least that's what I think it was), I shook even more aggressively as I was surrounded 360degrees by nurses asking questions, prepping and holding me. Jhon was still there and I tried my best to smile at him. He kissed me as they pushed me into the operating theatre and I almost wanted to cry. I was scared, who was I going to fool?
In the Operating Theatre
I kept telling myself to muster my strength, recite all the doas and trust everyone on duty. Regardless, as I shuffled onto the OT bed, I still shook. The nurses assumed I was cold which I was partially so they offer me a heater which helped.
I was eventually told to sit up to get my spinal tap. I tried so hard not to shake for fear of the anesthesiologist injecting wrongly; I chanted to myself, "Must stay still". They took their time and having a nurse holding me with the heater helped me calm down further. Frankly speaking, the spinal felt like a normal injection; perhaps the massive adrenaline rush had helped too.
I laid back down and we waited for the numbness to overcome. They did some poking which I didn't feel at all and had no idea when the catheter went in. The anesthesiologist poked with an ice pack on the top of my adomen asking if I felt anything. I said yes and the team waited for the numbness to spread. She poked again and I said I didn't feel the cold but I felt that she touched me. She said it's impossible and after many attempts, they proceeded. Apparently, it's okay to feel pressure but not a feeling? I had no idea. I told them I'm not sure anymore; it's not numb like my legs where they can cut it off and I won't feel it. I didn't know what to think. I just took deep breaths trying to calm down.
Soon, they started the procedure. I didn't feel a single thing. I just stared at the operating lights. A nurse told me to close my eyes but I told her it wouldn't help me (shut 1 sensory and others heighten up). I could hear Dr Freda and Alex talking but it was not audible enough for me to comprehend and suddenly, I felt the outmost "pain" or "pressure" I ever felt on my upper abdomen. I knew what was happening, the doctors were pushing the top of my abdomen with full strength to push Sarah out as I've seen the videos but MAN! on top of my shakiness and weak attempt to keep calm, I legit had a full blown panic attack.
The pushes made me groaned and moaned. I suddenly had the urge to aggressively vomit from the pushing and probably from the side effects of the spinal. It was the most uncomfortable feeling I ever felt and I wanted it to end! I absolutely hated the feeling. I was asking out loud, "why is it like this? Why am I feeling it? Is it supposed to be like this?" Nobody answered but I can tell everyone was trying to quickly expedite their work and some nurses trying to comfort me.
For all I knew, I heard the nurses and doctors said "She's so big!" (her estimated weight was 2.7kg but came out 3.04kg). Several seconds after that, a baby's cry. I was so out of it that it didn't registered as MY baby. I was thinking it was some other baby's cry even though it does not make sense to have another baby in the same OT. I also heard the nurses said that Sarah was hungry which didn't made sense until they showed her to me with her tongue sticking in and out.
I had skin to skin and as soon as Sarah's lips touched my nipple, she went crazy sucking like there's no tomorrow. Unfortunately, we didn't get a long skin to skin because I was still shaking and experiencing my panic attack. They took her away which was fine because I seriously could not calm myself to bond. Thankfully it did not affect our bond at all. After a few minutes, I just slept which I figured from exhaustion.
OT - Observation Room
When the doctors had done stitching me up, I was wheeled to the observation room where a nurse monitored me. It turned out I was given a sedative because of my panic attack. Sighs. It was somewhat embarrassing but that's how it was.
Meanwhile, Jhon managed to see little Sarah for the first time at the waiting area. He was informed that both of us were well, that I had a panic attack and Sarah had her umbilical cord not once but twice around her neck! I know right?! Maybe that's why she was in breech all these while and I am forever thankful that I followed my gut to not have an ECV or have someone massage to rotate her. It would be disastrous!
Warded In
Eventually, Jhon and I met and we went to my private suite. To be honest, the moment after the operation, everything was a bit of a blur until we reached my room because by then, I was myself again and shared our experiences with each other. Nurses came in and out to get me settled in and we got to see Sarah again.
At that moment, we still can't believe we just had our baby. It's surreal, overwhelming, scary and amazing all at the same time. We are a legit family now and our life would be a rollercoaster as a little boss is in town.
My Overall Experience
Nobody told me about the extreme discomforting pressure during the surgery, even my sister. Everyone only shared pain after the surgery. I could say it was rather traumatizing for me mostly because I was mentally prepared for everything except for THAT. The doctors were wonderful and experienced while the nurses were nice and helpful. I could say, it was a whirl wind of an experience for me to keep and remember.
Nur Sarah Tolentino was born on 18th August 2017 at 1:48am weighing 3.046kg. Our lives are going to get pretty interesting.
Will blog about my recovery with Cesarean too so watch this space!
