Our Experience with Pre-Marital Course with SPMC

I read somewhere that Pre-Marital Course is no longer compulsory but encouraged? I'm not sure how legit that is, perhaps if interested, you can call and check ROMM. As for us, we think there is no harm in learning. It's for our relationship anyways. We try to be open to each other and although we hardly ever fight, except for light squabbling, who knows we can learn better ways to deal with it rather than the standard "control your emotions".

Even though the 2-day course will be held at the National Library, it was written that ladies are encouraged to don their hijab. So, wrap it and go je.

I will share roughly what we had learnt and how it affected us as a couple.

Day 1:



Our first day was actually on Valentine's day. I didn't purposely book on that day eh... It was the next available English course at National Library eh. I don't even celebrate Valentine's day so I don't know why I am defensive. lol

At first, men and female had to sit separately and everyone was given a folder with 2 books. Our facilitator was Mr oOmar (nope, that was not a typo). You would think it's an auto S.O.P but you will be surprised. Please bring a pen.


By the way, gadgets in the class was so high tech to a point I feel old. haha


Mr oOmar was a very friendly and definitely cheerful man. After the introductory, we were told to have discussions on roles and expectations of our spouses as a group among the same sexes. There were plenty of interactions and movement which was ideal because it made it not monotonous. 

There were also plenty of breaks for Solat and munching. I understand the Solat but there was too much munching going on, they served food 4 times! And I know... I would've just choose not to eat but I can't. The temptation was real and the food was decently delicious. =P 

We got to write on each other books as notes of our expectations in the future. We later than get to sit next to each other to answer a few questions to know what is our Language of Love. I find this very interesting. Jhon and I have been together for 8 years and although we pretty much know each other, the quiz made know each other in a more detailed manner. 

For example, Our Love Language


We always say and do nice things together. We know what we appreciate and expect from each other but having numbers as a guide, I know know how much of an expectation it is from Jhon. 
Quality time was obvious because we are like two peas in pod but looking at the second highest number, I didn't know words of affirmation was very important to him too. I do say thank you and compliment him which to me was just a nice gesture but little did I know, it meant so much more to him. Now that I know, I should try to up sikit the compliments lah. hehe

We also learn to Ask and not Assume along with other topics. Yes, topics were technically should be bread and butter in every relationship. Everyone knows it but like knowing smoking kills, do you actually do something about it? Or when you really experience a hardship, can you really control your emotions? 

Jhon also finally understand the need of doa after solemnisation. Initially, he disagrees (because groom has to put his hand over the bride's head and he relates to demonic exorcism lol) but after understanding it's like setting up an 'anti-virus' program before marital life, he agreed. We will probably just doa facing each other instead of the hand over head thingy. =P 


After the class, we were told to fill in an anonymous comment/ suggestion form and that was the end of class.

Day 2:


We had to sit separately again but yet again, later, we would be moving around, switching seats.
Somewhere in the beginning of the class, Mr oOmar shared one of the comments mentioned in the form from yesterday's class. He said, somebody actually said what he covered was what he/she had already know. He said he was distraught because that was poor thinking.

Personally, I think someone who always thinks they know everything is boastful because even the smartest scholars thinks there is more to learn and even the most successful scientist knows there's more to explore and you think you are a know it all in relationships? Mr oOmar even showed a graph to elaborate.


There are 3 groups of people. People in group 1, 2 and 3.

In group 1, people need to be taught and guided while in group 2 are the know it alls; they think they know what it is to be learnt and beyond but yet, they are in the lower percentile with group 1.

While people in group 3 are knowledgeable but know there's room for improvement and most importantly, are humble. They are more likely to be successful (in all kinds of aspects, not just marriage). That is why, you must always try to be in group 3. So to those who think Marriage Preparation Courses are a waste of time or they think they 'know' already, think again. Which group are you actually in? Mr oOmar even gave a small 'burn' by saying people in group 2 are more likely to end in divorce as much as people in group 1.


On day 2, we learnt about sex in Islam and yes, the class got rowdy and giggly. I guess it depends on the individual. Mr oOmar was straight to the point and comical but there were moments when I shook my head while taken aback with an embarrassed laugh.

Before registering for the class online, we were asked what topics we would love to focus on and it ranges from no preference, handling in-laws, talk about Islam and others. Apparently, most of the couples chose no preference and second choice was talking about Islam. So the final topic was based on that.

It may be just a refresher course for others but I find it nice lah. It was very enlightening when coincidentally (or maybe not?), Mr oOmar answered Jhon's internal question of "Why are we here on Earth?"

Jhon has heard many kinds of answers from various people from his previous religion to Islam but he was never 'satisfied' with the answer. It was as if the answer still does not make sense to him. That was until Mr oOmar explained it. Clear cut and he finally accepted it. Alhamdulliah.

Throughout the course, we were also kept asked to sign our attendance list. We had to sign 4 times  throughout the day just to make sure we had stayed the entire course. So cannot cabot ah. Eventually, the course ended, we were told to fill in the anonymous survey form again and also write a personal letter to Mr oOmar. As in writing our thoughts and feelings of his course and if we would recommend it.

After it was done, we received our certificate of completion alphabetically. Alhamdulillah.
It was a bitter-sweet experience for me. I am happy we got our certificates but at the same time, I wish I could learn more because I don't think you can truly squeeze learning the psychology of handling a marital relationship in 2 days. It's really more than you think.


 Before the course, we always believed we have an understanding of each other's goals and expectations of all the colors of the rainbow but after the course, we learn that now we have to uncover all other colors such as the tints, shades and tones.


Would I recommend a marriage preparation course/ pre-marital course? 
Yes.



   

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