A.C.O.D - Adult Children Of Divorce

Real Talk

No matter at what age you are, 3, 10, 16, 21 or even 32 years old, when your parents divorce,
IT SUCKS.

Even if you understand why especially as an adult because you can relate and literally witnessed your parent's relationship first hand. It sucks because every child always have that dream of having a happy family, that happily ever after. A dream obviously the parents wished too, once a upon a time.



As an adult, you know the dreaded 'D' was inevitable, it's just that all of us like to deny it's existence.
In such situations, ignorance was truly bliss.

Situations would turn so bitter but after a while, it would go back to 'normal' and it would go bad again. It is because of that, all of us, the children and sometimes parents think whenever feces hit the fan, we would tell ourselves, it will be fine eventually.

Imagine that cycle for 43 years of marriage hood.

The adult child can be grateful for parents withholding the lawful separation because the parent wanted to make sure all children are grown up and married off. But it still hurts. Usually, divorces involve younger children and majority think it's easier to handle for an adult child.

Not necessarily.

Growing up in an unhealthy relationship, watching your parents fight or see them ignore each other like the plaque every single day does take a toll on us whether we like it or not. Even more so when you live under one roof and everyday, you can feel the tension that can be cut with a knife.

In some instances, a divorce that ends amicably has no problems at all but we all know those chances are slim especially when infidelity and money is involved.

When it comes to divorce, money is ALWAYS involved.

Obviously, I'm not going to indulge into personal information but the reason I am writing on such topics is because the same reason I share most things here. I know there are people out there that are experiencing similar situations too. I know this because I would get random personal messages or emails sharing their own experiences. They felt that they can relate and glad that they are not alone.

There's someone who can lend a ear and then there's someone who has been there too.

There are many scenarios in every relationship and divorce. I won't go through them all but I suppose what always boils down is...

What's next?

Who goes where? Who does what? What can we do to salvage our relationship as a family?
It's not always easy and clear as day.

The day was inevitable for the family and even so, we were never ready for it. Just because we seemingly accepting of the situation (no point being upset or angry) that does not mean it's okay. Sometimes parents think this acceptance as a green light too and they want to share their other not-so-secret life.

Dear all A.C.O.D, I can't really say that it will get better because as of around 2017, if everything goes smoothly, my siblings and I are one of you. I can predict tough roads ahead with frustrating decisions but as the dust settles, as we get the 'hang' of it, just like any other obstacles in life.

It will be okay.

We will be okay.



   

Dealing with the Baby Questions

"When are you going to get married?"
"Are you pregnant already?"
"When will he/she get a new brother or sister?"

Ah... these are just a few of the usual life questions everyone will be asked. It's almost like a rite of passage.

I had handled the getting married question very well and never even once let it bothered me. My answers were always that I wanted to 'enjoy' or relax first. It was my honest answer and the fact people asked me, I was not peeved at all. In my mind, they are simply asking and judging or not, I didn't care because such decisions most likely would directly effect my life, not theirs.

Now that I'm married, here come the slew of questions on whether there is a bun in the oven.

[The answer is no by the way]

[imgarcade.com]

There are a few ways to go about this and let's go through them.

🚼 Being funny or light-hearted

Hari Raya was about 2 months after our wedding so I was ready for the questions. I was so ready that I posted this on Facebook.


It did helped and only one Auntie had actually asked. haha

🚼 Being Mysterious

You can play with the person's mind by answering "Maybe?" or "Don't know?", grin and walk away. We can learn a lot in the animal kingdom and I find the confuse-the-predator-and-run method helps.

🚼 Seek Back Up

Most of the time, Mak is nearby when Jhon and I are served with such questions so after we gave our short answers, Mak would quipped saying "Aiyah... let them enjoy their married life first and their time will come". All we need to do was nod and smile.

🚼 Straight to the Point (Direct)

It's either you are pregnant or not right? Then just answer yes or no. Don't forget a smile though. We don't want to be rude, don't we?

🚼 Straight to the Point (PR style)

Say in the lines of
"We are trying (or not) but you know what? You will be the first few to know when we are"

🚼 Straight to the Point (Open Book)

Obviously, this only apply to who you are speaking to. If you are close and trust a relative or a friend, just share your situation. Of course, there is such thing as TMI unless your relationship is base on that but there's nothing wrong expressing your situation. You will never know, you may receive helpful tips if you are trying for a baby.

🚼 Change the Subject

This is best for those nosy people. Just shrug and change the subject to what is relevant or a topic that the person might be interested with like how Trump is president. Hah!

No matter that technique you use on how to deal with baby bump questions, the important thing is that you and your spouse is on the same page. Never let others ruin your cool composure. Yes, when questions are persistent, especially from the same person, it can be perpetually annoying. All you need to remember is that most of the time, these questions are coming from a place of love and they simply can't wait to see your potential bundle of joy.

I have no issue dealing with such questions but it does hit the soft spot when I said I'm not pregnant, they would give a sympathetic look. Even though we are not exactly trying, it made me feel like they are implying "Oh, sorry you failed" Imagined getting that face when a couple has been trying all their might. It must be tough.

No matter what, where you are trying or not, trudge on. Don't let questions ruin your day.
Everything happens for a reason and enjoy every moment.


   

The Wedding Night

Now, now... Before you perverts jump into conclusion, I am not going to talk about MY wedding night. I am just going to talk about it in general. After all, how can I say I like to talk/write about anything and everything by not talking about it?

Contrary to common belief, the action under the sheets are not always done on the wedding night itself or it's wrap up to be. Here are the different scenarios:

💑 Too Tired to Try
Wedding functions can be tiring. It's tiring ever since the planning itself, let alone the big day especially if the big event lasts for days. By the end of day, the couple maybe filled with happy memories but no doubt, as soon as they hit the bed, it's knock out time.

💑 Been There, Done it Couple
This one is obvious, there are couples who have done the deed. It could be just another night for them or maybe it's a little special because they are consummating as a husband and wife.

💑 Together but Separated
Due to certain situations, the newly wed couple may not able to even end the night together side by side on the bed. For example, my situation, where Jhon's family stayed over at his place and since there wasn't any extra room, I continued to stay at my place until they went back home to the Philippines.

But since we had a staycation at Sentosa with the family 2 days later, I would say our first time alone in bed was there and then.

💑 Never Been Kissed/Touched
I know, it's rare but there are still couples who managed to maintain their purity throughout their relationship. Let's be real, majority of us have at least had some sort of hanky-panky (even if it's limited to kissing) enough to spark fires. So the wedding night is a perfect time to release all that build up tension. BUT for the untouched, the wedding night is probably full of giggles and embarrassment. Usually, it will take a days or weeks to even do the deed.

💑 The Flop
This is the moment both of you've been looking for. The big bang, but it didn't work out. Perhaps it was too painful for the lady or the man rushed too quickly to the finish line. Don't be upset. Start it slow and communicate.

Whatever the scenario is, enjoy every moment of your time. When it comes to personal desire and preference, it's best to voice it out. It helps to make an effort even if it's a little bit. You shouldn't feel forced and the situation should feel natural.

Meanwhile, have fun! hehe

   

Wedding Review: Versari Ade

As mentioned many-many times before, when I saw Abg Hadi's work and outfits from Versari Ade many many years ago, I knew I wanted VA too even though marriage was never near my mind.

Not only their make up is the kind that enhances your natural beauty, their wedding style is mostly traditional with a modern touch. Being an old bride, I was never into those hipster weddings which has nothing wrong with it, it's just not my preference.

Unfortunately, even if I wanted Abg Hadi to do my make-up, he was unavailable for my wedding for his other work commitments. We had his sister instead, Kak Dee which I had no problem since I noticed everyone's style was similar.

Read about the day we booked Versari Ade and the subsequent appointments with them here:
The Booking, The Outfit Choosing and The Final Fitting.

I've never met Kak Dee before so I was a little nervous because she will be spending the whole day with me; seeing me half naked, sweaty and be up real close to my face. She ran a tad late but it was okay lah. It didn't effect much time on my itinerary. Remember BTB, you got to loosen up the reins a little.

Kak Dee was a sweet lady. The more I talked and get to know her, the more she has a few traits similar like mine. Abit awkward but obviously more open to meeting people because of her job scope.

I am never particular about make up. I appreciate thick make up that accentuates more of natural beauty but not over board that it hides it. I just told Kak Dee what I told Abg Hadi, do whatever you think is best. Enhance my natural beauty (if have lol) and don't be shy with those double eyelid tapes.

I won't go in such detail but everyone loved our outfits. There were plenty of oooh and aahhs which of course I appreciate. Nasib tak kembang sampai baju koyak.

Make up wise, I am happy but the problem was, my wedding was an emotional roller coaster ride. Plenty of crying and crazy laughter. So imagine that tears and sweat on my make up. Those fake eyelashes unfortunately didn't stay fresh as long as it should. haha

I decided to let my hair down for my nikah since the next 2 hairstyles will be up in a bun.







For our main outfit for the wedding ceremony, since it was purple, Kak Dee brought purple orchids to match which was a delightful surprise. The make up on this was was definitely my favorite. It was darker and deeper which suits our outfit.





Lastly, my gown to match Jhon's Barong. Just a disclaimer for new readers, we had to buy our own barong. You may read here on how. Since traditional Barong are cream in color, we chose a gown to fit. I love it that we could incorporate Filipino's styling even for a little bit. I could see the sense of pride of Jhon's family and his peers.





Now, my review on Kak Dee herself.
(ahh... stress tak Kak Dee and team if you are reading this? lol)

I don't have bridesmaids or groomsmen. I only have orang kuat. So help is welcomed by anyone who is available to. Technically, yes, my sis and Fizah, my best buddy should be my first people to rely on but both of them had babies! Understandably so, they weren't available to for me every minute or hour.

This is I commanded Kak Dee and her dedicated Mak Andam duties. Yes, she did what a Mak Andam traditionally should do; not just doll you up and maybe a little touch ups here and there. She made sure we were hydrated, food is ready for us, followed the itinerary as close as possible, made sure we were posed properly, she even held my house keys to go in and out of the house and many more.

I didn't expect such traditional practice which made me appreciate her even more. For some of you who always rant about duit mak andam that it's not deserving since their services are expected from the bridal package, if you have such service, you won't complain at all. Ikhlas, I kasi.

No regrets in choosing Versari Ade. Their dedication towards us was above and beyond.

Versari Ade
[facebook] [instagram] [website]

   

1 Month Married

It has been 1 month since Jhon and I have been husband and wife.

The usual question was, "How's married life?"
We unanimously agreed with the word "Weird"

From the night we got married, I was telling Jhon, "You are my husband, you know?"
That continued 1 week later, during our honeymoon, after our honeymoon and up until now. It's just weird. I suppose we have been boyfriend-girlfriend for almost 9 years now so it's really odd to see each other as a different status.

We do spend a lot of time together after all these years so it didn't feel much of a difference. The only difference was we don't separate ways by the end of the day and having extra private time. It was unbelievable that instead of Jhon sending me home every single night, I am following him back home.

After all these years of protecting our family's reputation by being well-behaved (if you know what I mean), we kept asking each other if we were sure Mak allows me to sleep over? Is it really okay? We asked that even more so on the first time we had a room all to ourselves at Sentosa. Usually, someone is always staying in a room with us as a guardian (lol). We were laughing and asking, "Where's Mak? or Fizah?"

Other than that, my life as a wife is normal, I suppose. I knew way before getting married that my first order of business was to do Jhon's laundry. This man likes to collect dirty laundry as a side hobby I think. Lucky for me, I secretly enjoy doing the laundry. There's something about turning smelly things into fragrant and soft things that makes me happy. Yes, I always smell them before hanging the laundry and before folding them.

So how's married life so far?

Weird.

   

Things you should know 1 day before the wedding

Your big day is in just about 24 hours. You and your family is probably busy bustling about, checking the décor, caterer and all the nitty-gritty needed for the wedding.

Here's what you need to take note.

❣ Breathe & Keep Calm
You may be overwhelmed because everyone is asking you where, what, who, when and how. You need to check this, do that, find this and know that. If you find when you are feeling flustered, stop, take a deep breath and recollect. It's corny but it works.

❣ Final Checks
If it helps, get a check list but this is the only time you do your last minute errands for any forgotten items. Have another set of eyes and brains to make sure everything is in order.

❣ Expect Anything to Happen
You can plan everything to the T but you really can't control what will happen, whether it's a normal day or a big day. It is because of fate and destiny determined by God. It may be something small like bad weather or chaotic relatives or vendor mishaps. Just be your toes and be prepare for anything.

❣ Redha
Let's say but let's hope not, something bad does happens, accept it. Everything happens for a reason. Someone can make a big deal out of nothing which will complicate a situation, vendor problems or anything else. It's going to be emotional and frustrating but by the end of the day. Accept it.

❣ Let it Go
After accepting the situation, let it go. Elsa from Frozen couldn't say/ sing it any better. Solve the problem and move on. Don't hold grudges too.

❣ Enjoy
Amidst of all the duties and items you need to take note of, it's hard to stop and smell the roses. Everyone was asking how I was feeling days leading to my big day but all I could answer was that I was too busy to feel anything! Just remember to take those moments to enjoy and have fun while at it.

❣ Appreciate
I could not stress this any more. With all the planning and hard work, it's easier to see the big picture and not the little things. Naturally, we tend to focus more on negative things or actions. Such thoughts and feelings can bring us down. Always think positive, focus on them and appreciate them.

❣ Proper Sleep
No doubt, perhaps months before the wedding, couples are already swamped with errands and such. That's what I experienced since we had to handled our wedding 98% by ourselves. Sleep and rest? What is that? No matter what, try to do whatever you can earlier so you have lesser things to do 24 hours before the wedding. Get your rest!

❣ Eat 
Sometimes, when you are too busy or excited, you may lose your appetite but you got to force yourself to have at least a mouthful of food. You need your energy because it's going to be a tiring day. We don't want a weak or even worst, fainting groom or bride.

 ❣ Stay Hydrated

Dehydration can also cause tiredness. So drink up! And yes, corset wearing brides, it will be leceh to take off your girdle to pee but health comes first!

❣ Itinerary is just a Skeleton
There are 3 types of couples. One who disregard an itinerary and wing it, one who had a rough itinerary and one that has a super detailed itinerary. No matter what, an itinerary is just a rough guide on what is happening on your big day. Every wedding varies and it's most helpful for vendors, especially the DJ, Mak Andam, videographer and photographer. With that said, refer to my 3rd point about anything can happen. Time may stray. As long is 30 +/- minutes, it's okay, do not panic.

❣ Crowd
Depending how you invite your guests, do you invite anyone and everyone or do you invite the significant people in your life? Sometimes, a small wedding does not mean lesser guests and a large wedding, more guests. Also take note of peak periods during your wedding. All I can say is don't worry if your ceremony seems 'empty'. All that matters are that the important people are present.

❣ Take in the moment

For our case, our wedding was catered for 500 guests and since we were having a combined wedding, we spent most of our time in one location. There's no time of travelling to another location. After everyone had taken photos, we had a few moments of just us sitting by ourselves at the pelamin. We appreciate that moment A LOT. We got to absorb the atmosphere, enjoy the music and truly enjoy ourselves.

 

   

Kisah Tok Kadi

[Tales of a Marriage Solemnizer]

Here's my one of my little secrets.
I was never the 'gatal nak kahwin' girl and never obsessed with weddings but one of my guilty pleasures was watching 'Say Yes to the Dress' on special days where you get free channels on cable. That and birthing reality shows. Yep.

We have TLC 24/7 by now and I still dabble in those shows.

I don't know why but something about watching these ladies choosing dresses and being happy was fascinating. Not to mention when the opinionated family members and/ or friends voice out. But ever since I am getting married, watching such shows actually gave me added stress when the BTB was having a stressful situation. It is because of that, I try to completely avoid them.

Until I came across 'Kisah Tok Kadi' on Suria at my sister's maternity suite.

"Kisah Tok Kadi is a light-hearted drama series that revolves around the life of a young popular ‘tok kadi’, Shahrul, who successfully conducts solemnization for couples each week. In each episode Kisah Tok Kadi shows some of the unique experiences that he faces during solemnization and how he tackles those challenges."
 - Kisah Tok Kadi (tv.toggle.sg)

It was the first episode and like I said, watching wedding shows triggers my own wedding stress but at the same time, it was interesting. It's like watching a horror movie or something gory. It's disgusting/ horrifying but you can't look away. I'm not saying the show 'Kisah Tok Kadi' disgusting and horrifying eh... lol I am trying to be relatable but I kinda went sideways there.

Anyways, the show is interesting because it shows the goings and in comings in a Malay wedding besides revolving the life of the tok kadi. I am pretty sure some of the situations are relatable to many BTB & GTB. You know, the standard 'war' between the elders & youngsters, culture & modern and many more.

Some moments can be pretty annoying but trust me, some of these things actually happen eh! Maybe in some instances are exaggerated for entertainment purposes.

The only thing that I am a liiiitle not keen is that the Tok Kadi is single. I generally try to be as open minded as possible but a single tok kadi who give relationship sermons are a tad hard to swallow. Sometimes having all the information in the book does not matter when emotions are on the rise. We are not robots, okay? =P Theory and practical lessons should come in hand in hand. With that said, the advises on the show are pretty spot on.

They also touched base a little on marital & single life too.

There's plenty to learn from watching this show AND some of the wedding stuff they used is from ACTUAL wedding vendors! So you can refer and check the vendors at the end credits.

You may check out on the tele on Monday at 9:30pm or just watch it on toggle.
Don't worry for my non-Malay BTB, there's English translation. hehe

   

Baju Kurung Perempuan Yang Berseluar

[Women's Malay traditional outfit with pants]

That's what I saw on FB the other day. A commotion of a wedded couple who wore this on their wedding day. The lady wore pants instead of a long skirt.

[Source: Oh! Media]

The wedding outfit designer was by Rizman Ruzaini. I could be wrong but I think the groom is his brother.

Commotion No.1: 
How come wear hipster fashion and wear pants instead of the 'traditional' long skirt? Where's the culture?

Answer:
It's actually an official traditional outfit in Perak only tailored to a modern twist.

[Source: alambuanaputrinun313.blogspot.sg]

Commotion No. 2:
She wears Hijab but her pants are so tight fitted and a little short (exposed ankles).
THE HUMANITY!

Answer:
No doubt Islam is very clear, even in terms of modesty. But since I don't wear Hijab nor is even near perfect and even if I do, I don't see myself or anyone else have the right to outright shame and preach.

With that said, with the slight adjustments on the pants (I personally don't wear tight pants/leggings anyways) I find the outfit cool and nice leh! I like it so much maybe I should consider tailoring for Hari Raya. haha Amacam? Then nak jalan senang, duduk pun senang.

If Versari Ade have this outfit, I want to wear also even though I don't have any Malaysian or Perak blood. haha Check this design by Syomir Izwa for Malaysia's outfit for Miss Universe 2013.
I loike!

[Source: Murai.com.my]


   

Wedding Rings + Mahar

I was contemplating on whether I should post this because wedding rings are rather personal and I rather have it shown naturally during the wedding rather than 'Look at our rings!'. But I wanted to share one of the anxieties I had upon buying my ring.

When I brought Mak and Jhon to Joo Chiat, Geylang to Ming Seng Jewelry to browse for a gold bracelet for my 'mahar', I really didn't have attentions to buy a wedding ring too.

We were only browsing and to check out the market rate for a potential bracelet until the lady in charge, Agnes showed us a leaf-designed bracelet. On top of that. the gold market rate at that time was at one of it's lowest at about SG$57/ 1g. But you see, anxiety prone me MUST do a proper survey of other jewelry to make me feel better in the decision making so we left the area to have lunch at One KM Mall.

Over lunch, Jhon could not keep his mind off the bracelet and kept talking about it. In the end, he managed to convince me. After all, the rate was pretty good, it would be a shame if I were to come back and the rate had gone up. So off we went to buy the bracelet.

THEN, as we were exiting to the right of the shop, I happened to glance and noticed diamond gold rings on display and 1 caught my eye. I just knew I have to have it. The ring is filled with diamonds, flat (I don't like the terjojol diamonds) and a classic almost vintage-heirloom design. I don't need to explain much because the rest was history. I was glad Mak was around because of her awesome Mak Cik bargaining skills, we managed to get pretty awesome prices.

It was only days after buying the ring, I felt anxious that our ring wouldn't match in terms of material. Generally, it's pretty normal to have wedding bands/ rings that don't match in terms of design and I have no issue in that. But to have of a different material/ color? I don't know why but it triggers my anxiety lah.

 [Meyson]

[Meyson]

You may think, Jhon can just get a gold ring too and 'problem' is solved but for those who don't know, it's considered Haram for men to wear gold in Islam. (I know right? Pimpin tangan, tak haram, cincin emas, haram. haha But every Muslims should do the best they can, right?)

There is no specific reason why only Muslim men can't wear gold (or silk) but it was told by our beloved Prophet Muhammad PBUH. Scholars think it's because such adornment is meant for women and men wearing gold might eventually encourage arrogance.

In fact, wearing wedding rings are not mentioned in the Islamic practice. It's just that it's a universal symbol for everyone to distinctively point out a married person. Don't get me started on which ring finger we should put our rings. Again, universally, it's on the left but in Islam, 'tangan kanan: makan, kiri: cuci'. haha Since we tend to cleanse ourselves with our left hands, Jhon and I felt it's natural to wanting to put it on our right hand.

BACK to the main story, along with everyone else, Jhon said it's okay to have our rings to be of different materials. I just went along with it even though deep inside, I was like 'errr...'

Looking for Jhon's wedding band was a little tough too. Titanium and Platinum ring designs are rather limited and even when we found a design that we liked, the width looked too thin on Jhon's big hands (he's 1.82m). In the end, we bought at Meyson and had to order his ring size. His ring has a tiny diamond that even has a certificate (blood diamond, tsk tsk lol).

It was only 1 month after when we got his ring, I realized, aiyah,.. I was just over thinking it. Who cares if it does not match in terms of color. Again, without knowing it, it matches our wedding general color theme.

Our decor color is gold/ cream, our card is gold/ cream and for our wedding day, Jhon is going to exchange gold trays with my silver trays. It was only when I see the rings side by side when I realized, it's really okay.

I know right? Such a simple thing may be quite a big deal when your mind is full of wedding planning and it's details. 

   

Our First Manicure & Pedicure

Okay, I lied. It's not a first mani-pedi for me but a second. My first was probably more than 15 years ago. haha Despite the duration, I can distinctively remember that the awesome feeling after a pedicure. My feet never felt so clean and smooth. I also remembered the shaving of the skin on my heels. YUCKS! Macam shaving wood.

I am never the one who would use nail polish or even bother caring much about my nails except for keeping them short. But I believe in clean and proper nails and I knew going to professional would help a lot. Especially I always anyhow trim my nails.

It took plenty of convincing Jhon to join me and finally managed to by saying people will see our hands during photo taking so we have to keep them neat and nice. As for feet, just clean it since we are already there lah.

Classic mani-pedi can be expensive that is why I went to Groupon. I got the 2 for $50 promo from BeautyExpress. They have 2 outlets and we went to their Parkway Parade outlet.

Sorry for bad quality photos because of low lighting.

Jhon looks like he is rethinking his decision.

 

Waiting for our nails to get done.

I got to choose the color of my nail polish. Initially, I didn't want to but I figured, 'buat aje lah'. I was fickle-minded about the colors D5 and 19. I was worried D5 would be too nude and 19 might turned out too pink for my taste. In the end, I followed Jhon's suggestion of choosing D5.



The process was ticklish but nice for the both of us. It was more awkward for Jhon when the lady was tending to his feet because he generally don't like his feet to be massaged. It took us about 1 1/2 hours for the ladies to buff our feet, trim & buff our nails, trim our cuticles and such. I got sleepy towards the end which I think was a good thing?

Oh yeah, I also appreciate the 80s music they played. They gave us nostalgia as songs from Roxxete, Richard Marx and even sound track from Grease.

The overall session was okay lah. There was no wood shaving like my first experience but they did their job well.

After our session, I was walking stiffly just like 15 years ago. The nails that now covered with nail polish felt weird and not to mention I was on a temporary freak out worrying I might ruin my paint job. Being a klutz that I am, it was not a surprise that I did ruined my nail polish on my right thumb in just a few minutes. I know, noob.

[picture source: catsanimals]

Besides that, we are happy with our mani-pedi sessions and I'm happy with the nail color. With that said, I am so going to get rid of the nail polish as soon as I am done with the photo shoot.
Sorry not sorry.

   

Things people say to us regarding our inter-racial/ religion relationship.

For new readers, I am a Malay Muslim and Jhon was a Filipino Catholic (no longer practiced way before he met me). We have been together for 8 years and counting. InsyaAllah, getting married next year.  He will be converting within this month, InsyaAllah. Since the beginning of our courting days, there have always been naysayers and opinion throwers on our relationship.

Introducing,

Yes, I ranted 'sampai terkeluar' ring. haha

Anyways, that’s about what we have been asked, told and heard and imagine that on repeat by sometimes the same people but different structure sentences.

By the end of the day, we had thoroughly discussed about our religions and cultures and which areas could be compromised and which areas are non-negotiable. We had attended religious classes and even marriage preparation courses to know right from the horse’s mouth on what is right, wrong and in between. 

True, I am no Uztazah or hardly considered as an average practicing Muslim but that’s one of the beauty of this relationship. We have a strong ‘niat’ and we can learn together. We understand each other’s struggles and we pick each other up. 

It’s okay if most people do not understand and whatever we do never seem to be good or sincere enough in the eyes of these humans. I also know some of these people have good intentions but always bad executions and well, others are always said in ignorance.

All that matters is Allah’s blessings and only He knows our trials and tribulations because it’s all from him.

Who cares what they have to say? As for the naysayers, it's always fun to prove them wrong.

   

#chezvousbeautyisreal [ad]

All of us are aware by now that most model shots taken in the magazines are all photoshopped; videos and articles of it are everywhere but it does not stop the industry to push that unrealistic flawless expectation. Despite of knowing this, we ladies still let them affect us subconsciously which in turn making us self-conscious and less confident as it’s impossible to reach to that level.

Come on, that kind of beauty is not real because those models don’t walk around 24/7 like that all the time. Just like this model, Elena Cheurina, all models are pretty much as ‘normal’ as us.

So why am I talking about this? 

Well, Chez Vous Salon is giving a shout out to all women to discover their natural beauty and celebrate #chezvousbeautyisreal as part of their 20th anniversary campaign. Their aim is to liberate women from those unrealistic beauty standards and prove that beauty is and should be attainable, tangible and empowering (#therealme); not unrealistic, impossible and enslaving.
But first, who is Chez Vous Salon? 

Located at the heart of Orchard, Ngee Ann City, it is a hair salon that does not only offer signature treatments in cool, local supported artistic interior. It has a one-of-a-kind “OHDA” (or Only Hair Directors Allowed) policy in place which means only hair dressers with minimum working experience of 10 years will touch your mane. You can truly trust your crowning glory with them. You can find their profile with credentials here.

They also have unique and special programmes that caters to your needs.

Expertligent Fix You Programme

If a visit from another hair salon leads to a disastrous outcome such as damaged hair or unsatisfactory treatments or cuts, you can visit Chez Vous to fix and repair up to sub-optimal results. In fact, if there is a lapse of less than 1 week between the treatment in question and the customer’s visit to Chez Vous, the programme isfree of charge! The only catch is its limited to 1 customer/day and only from Sundays to Thursday upon appointment. They also reserves the right to decline (if the hair is unsalvageable) because they are all about promises they can keep. 

Mix, Mingle, Makeover

Who does not love makeover parties? Have them at Chez Vous where you can mingle in the salon, lounge surrounded by artworks and mini hydra bar as guests gets a haircut, hair chemical services and after chemical treatment. Door gifts, foodstuff and drinks are also included. 

#ThursdayisthenewFriday Programme

Held only once a month there are surprise treats for ALL guests such as giving out macaroons, wine butler service, waive of bills, etc. Just keep a look out for their announcement on their Facebook page.

For an additional charge of $20, you can also have your own private area for your hair styling needs. Like a boss!

Anyways, in this digital world, we can soften our complexion, enhance our makeup and even change our face/ body type with just a few clicks or a few swiping motions.  It’s easy to forget what truly makes us beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we shouldn't doll ourselves up but at least do it realistically. Work with what you got! What makes me feel physically beautiful is when my hair, makeup and outfit is on point. It truly gives me an extra bounce in my step as I walk down the street. All of us are a little superficial inside and looking good makes us feel good and confident.

What is your secret to feeling beautiful?

What would you choose – a makeover session or a photoshopping session?

Remember, when you go out and about, people see the before photoshop version of you. But with a makeover, you are the best real time version of you; declaring to everyone, that this is #therealme

On that note,

Share & Hashtag #chezvousbeautyisreal and tell Chez Vous what beauty means to you. One lucky participant will stand to win #therealme makeover experience, worth $800.

Feel unlucky? Fret not!

Chez Vous has an open call for a makeover transformation for all women in Singapore

On 7th June 2015, 11am – 6pm at Chez Vous, #05-05, Ngee Ann City, 391 Orchard Road, Singapore 238872, Chez Vous will offer every woman, regardless of age and race, the opportunity to experience a full makeover session for a pampering bliss.

So even if you didn’t win their #therealme makeover experience, you still can go for their 7^th June makeover! Win-win!

For more info and their pricelist, click on the links below.

[Email][Website][Facebook][Instagram]
[Twitter][Pinterest][Tumblr][Google+]

Address: 391 Orchard Road, Ngee Ann City Podium, 05-05, Singapore 238872

Phone: (65) 6732 9388

   

The Beard Debate

Ever had that tiff with your man on him growing a beard?
It's either the lady wants her man to have a beard or the most commonly, the man wants to keep a beard but his lady disagree.

If you have a partner who does not care, good for you but for our case, I just generally prefer a clean shaven man with an exception a beard looks freaking good on him.

So for a few years now, Jhon has been wanting to keep some sort of a beard. His argument was that he just wanted to try and he has the 'good' features. My argument was that when it comes to growing a mustache or beard, his Chinese genes proved prominent. lol The hair on his face tend to grow in splotches and I can't stand it.

Of course, it does not stop him from insisting a beard so he told me to draw him one. To prove that he would look so good that it's worth that splotches of hair for a few weeks.

Here's the outcome.

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Firstly, awesome or not my make up skills? lol Just kidding lah. It's so easy and basic. I just used dark brown gel eyeliner and eye shadow.

I did a thin boxed beard and kindaaaa looks nice but it made him look so old. I told him maybe in 15 years time he can try lah but definitely not now and he agreed.

Problem solved.

   

The Gender Specific Roles Game

Living in this day and age, sexism, especially gender specific roles are still existent. More so if you come from an Asian background. Even with such a modern age, women are still expected to able to master cooking, cleaning, child bearing skills and not to mention husband serving skills. These issues tend to surface more after marriage and it's always more focused on the womanly "duties".

Ever heard of the quote
"Men want their wives be chef in the kitchen, a lady/maid in the living room, and a whore in bed"?

Ask any married woman and they will say yes sometimes to a point there is no compromise, no fairness but pure expectations with a reason that it's just a woman's duty. I call myself as a open-minded but conservative, old fashion kind of girl but come on.

Fine, I am okay with "womanly duties" but how about the men? Unfortunately, in this century, the only "manly duties" they get to carry out is just bring in the money and sow their seeds. Is that really it? I refuse to allow it!

To me, what makes a man is not just being the bread winner and be the boss of the house.

If women have their "duties", men have it too. It's just that a modern lifestyle don't really require them to do the manly stuff. It's not just buying a TV, send the computer for repairs or visit IKEA for a simple shoe shelf.

As much as I am okay to be expected to be a "chef/maid/whore",
I expect my man to be a plumber, electrician, IT guy, carpenter and a Casanova.

If my house needs some fixing, my partner should able to do it without a heartbeat and do it well. Of course with an exception if the problem is major. You will be amazed how some men are not auto at all in fixing leaks and even fixing a fan seems difficult. These are also the same men who believe in women have to do their "duties", Go Figure.

That is why I am so lucky to have partner like Jhon. He does not even care about gender duties because he also can cook, clean and sew. Not only that, he is Jhon Jack of all trades.
When my sink was leaking, who fixed it. He did.
Who always fix my laptop? He did.
Who fixed my wall fan? He did.
and recently, he impressed me even more by helping me and my mom by building a pottery/ shoe shelf out of scraps of wood.

It's hard to find such effort in simple carpentry anymore. I am pretty sure if ask anyone else, 'semua tak kuasa' right? While doing his work, my neighbor who is an old man actually joked and said "Why? No money ah? (to get a shelf) Come, I give you money" 

This is called DIY work, uncle. I would think someone of his age would understand this but apparently uncle is orang kaya since young. Anyways, we need specific specifications to fit and since we can do it ourselves, why not? Plus, there is a sense of accomplishment knowing that you built something with your own hands and brains. 

What was the icing of the cake was my dad, who I had watched/ helped doing all kinds of DIY carpentry work as a kid noticed it and complimented Jhon for his work. 

   

What Makes a Man a Man?

On 28th March 2013, Jhon and I headed to Esplanade to watch the infamous Kumar for his stand up comedy entitled What Makes a Man A Man?

[http://www.facebook.com/DreamAcademyProductions]

The title says it all. His topic this year surrounds a life and experiences of man and what makes it more interesting, it’s mostly about his life experiences.

His jokes were crude and sexual (it was rated R18) but not talking about sex when discussing a man’s life is not like talking about shopping in a women’s life!

This time around, Jhon and I got the cheapest seats and it was really not that bad! Think it as a bird’s eye view. I suppose the only downfall was we can’t see Kumar’s facial expressions as he delivered the joke. Perhaps it’s a good thing because maybe complete with his comical expressions, we might pee in our pants. =p

[http://www.facebook.com/DreamAcademyProductions]

The show had 3 songs which consisted of Kumar lip syncing and a group of guys dancing. The finale with the song which I wasn't sure if an original or an oldie was “Oh My God” He gave me goose bumps as he slowly changed his outfit from drag to a blazer, wiped his makeup off and lip synced dramatically “So tell me what really makes a man, a man” FWAR!

[http://www.facebook.com/DreamAcademyProductions]

Powerful stuff! I understand and felt what he was trying to portray and I love it! It was a wonderful and unexpected turn from a comedy show.

I can’t wait for next year’s show!

[http://www.facebook.com/DreamAcademyProductions]