Dugaan Bakal Pengantin

[Trials & Tribulations of bride & groom-to-be]

Elders like to say, the period of engagement or the period towards the wedding is one of the critical components in a relationship. It will make or break the relationship as you will see the partner's true colors and how they deal in problem solving.

There's plenty of scenarios that will test the couple. Some may be small and some may be big to a point of maximum stress. It all varies to each couple but here are the scenarios you may have to deal together.


🙈 The Money Minded Parents/ In-laws
Every decision made is all money inclined. Void deck wedding is low class, the berkat look so cheap, the wedding ring is too simple, the hantaran is so little. Everything must be top-notch and not considering the couple's financial standing.

🙈 The No Back Bone
No doubt family comes first but it can be really annoying if your partner seems to side his/her family than you in decision making. You will never win which is frustrating because there is no compromise.

🙈 The Family Business
Just because the family has connections such as the auntie who does cooking, cousin who does makeup, the uncle who does photography and etc that does not mean you want to use them. There's nothing wrong having family play a part in your wedding but what if you don't like your cousin's makeup style or that auntie's catering packages are expensive. Couple may feel they are in a spot because of family ties.

🙈 The Broken Family
It's really frustrating when your family can't even sit down for a few minutes or let alone breathe the same air for a discussion. A simple sentence will eventually lead to a quarrel and what supposed to be a happy and all about family unity, it's all drama. You will no doubt feel sad because why can't everyone just get along for a day.


🙈 The Stubborn Woman
Women are know for dreamers especially when it comes to their wedding. There are ladies who had start their day dreaming as soon as they reach puberty. That dream would be a goal and when THE day comes, she will try all her might to achieve that. Does not matter if it makes sense financially or logically.

🙈 The Hands Off Man
If given a choice, most men usually just want to head to the ROMM, have lunch and consummate. Wedding stuff is truly not their thing and instead of making an effort to help, they say "you do whatever you want to do lah". That may seem a green card to some but it may be disheartening because wedding planning can be stressful and the woman could always use an extra mind to decide.

🙈  The Heck Care Parents
This may be a good thing to some couple because all the decision making is all for you. The downside is that these parents don't step up when they are needed the most, such as formally inviting your immediate families to the wedding, help host with the guests or don't intend to 'participate' and you start to wonder, were you adopted or what?

🙈 The Mind What Others Say
This mostly revolves the older folk. Even if there's logic or the couple has done nothing wrong to even insinuate such negative vibes, the elders still worry what the other mak cik or pak cik would say. If you have a simple wedding, you have no money. If you get married without engagement, couple might have 'shot gun'. If you have a modern wedding, couple is uncultured and lavish wedding? You are wasteful. So why do we still try to impress them?


🙈 The Close Minded Ones
People who thinks who knows everything actually knows the least. Think about it. You will get this more if you are marrying a non-local, of different religion or a partner who is known for his/her (what is deemed bad) lifestyle such as tattoos, divorcee or working with low pay. Immediately, these people will spew advises and concerns without actually making an effort to know the couple. Will these naysayers break your trust in each other?

🙈 The After Pre-Marriage Courses
Sometimes you think you know your partner especially in decision making after you are officially man and wife. Sure, he/ she may seem understanding but when family is involved, the rules may change. You will be surprised as for some couples, it's only through the courses they suddenly really think about what happens next after the wedding, discussion on living in which house, weekly visits to the in-laws, money handling and such.

🙈 The Mandate
A trait mostly dominated by parents, it can be frustrating when they get too bossy. It's their way or the highway. If they pay for most of the wedding expenses, it's not that bad but what if the couple paid for everything but still have to deal with the parent's opinions and taste?

🙈 The Control Freak
Not much of a difference compared to The Mandate but instead of asking you to book certain vendors or want their choices to be picked, they actually book the vendors before telling you! So you ended up with 2 types of caterers in your hands and you had already deposited.


🙈 The Sudden Jealousy
Malay elders like to say this period is where the naughty jinn likes to pay extra attention to you. Thoughts of mistrust and jealousy may reign over your mind. What seemed to be okay while dating, suddenly coming home from work later than usual may start a fight. Suddenly, you may find yourself screening more on anyone that pays just a little attention to your future spouse.

🙈 The Big-Little Fights
Suddenly, you may find yourself quarreling more than usual even about the littlest things. You don't know why but everything seems sets you off. It's mostly because of wedding stress but don't let it overcome you. Deal with it maturely and responsibly.

🙈 The In-laws vs You
You partner may love you but that does not mean his/her family will love you. It is a sad truth. Sometimes, you may try your best to impress or be of the best behavior but there's just no chemistry or they don't see and understand your character. You may be shy or quiet by nature but they might see it as anti-social or they just think you are undeserving of their child. Stay strong and all matters is the support of your partner and own family.

🙈 The In-laws vs In-laws
The story of Romeo and Juliet may not be so far fetched as you think, of course minus the dying part. Different point of views and characters are the main factors especially when no one wants to back down and can't even keep up with appearances. The good news is that having a separate wedding helps and the bad news is that family functions may be intense.


🙈 The Wedding Disagreements
There are less disagreements if you are having a separate wedding but a combined one may be difficult. The lady may want a flowery wedding while the man wants a simple black and white wedding. Preferences may vary even when you are celebrating the day you become as one.

🙈 The One Sided One
"Asyik ikut you dengan family you aje" (I have to always follow you and your family). What happens when you always give in and started to lose your own voice and opinion? Usually, at first, it's not so bad but in the long run, it's the kind of thing that eats you up inside.

🙈 The Cold Feet
You are finally going to tie the knot and you may start to doubt yourself, F.O.M.O (Fear of missing out). You might think you haven't achieve you need to achieve before settling down. Is this the man/woman you really want to spend the rest of your life with? Are there anyone better?


🙈 The Cheater
Just because you both are dead set heading towards the aisle, that does not mean your partner may not cheat. People do cheat, it sucks. It's either they are assholes to begin with or it's cold feet that drives them there. Will you forgive or still give them a chance?

🙈 The Ex
Some people just do not know how to let go. Whether it's the ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or the ex-husband/wife. They love to linger and even though you are getting married, it does not stop them. They in fact sometimes interfere even more, trying to rock your relationship. The problem maybe them but you must also look at your future spouse, are they doing something to avoid it or milking it?

🙈 The Body Conscious One
Although this leans more to the ladies, some men may have this problem too. Getting married is one of many forms of motivation to lose weight or get fit. If done moderately, it should not be a problem but some ladies tend to get overboard. Crazy diets like fruit diets, water diets, excessive exercising or depriving themselves with food is nothing new to some BTB. It's unhealthy and instead of looking glowy, they look sickly and worst case, you may faint on the pelamin!

🙈 The Budget Horror
So you think you got it under control in your wedding finances and suddenly, everything is not cracked up to be. Suddenly there are hidden or forgotten costs and what seemed to be a comfortable climb, turns out to be a steep mountain.


I didn't mean this to be a long post but apparently, I have been exposed to plenty of relationship drama so I managed to word vomit all these? haha Anyways, not every couple will experience all of the above. Sometimes they will experience one or two or a little bit of this and that.

I don't mean to stress any readers with all this negativity. This is to inform ALL couples that will some way or another experience such scenarios so do not feel sad or depressed. All that matters is support from your partner, family and/or friends.

When it comes to any problems, discuss and handle it maturely & logically and everything will be alright.


   

Appointment with Gubahan Cinta

This would be the first time Jhon and I meet Kak Wannie from Gubahan Cinta. Initially, we did considered DIY our dulang hantaran but after much consideration, we decided to forgo it. Being the last of the family to get married, I don't think I know what to do with several trays afterwards.

Items we finally decided to exchange are:

                                            For her                                          For Him
                                           💕 Ring & Mahar                         💕 Ring
                                           💕 Duit Hantaran                         💕 Quran & Sejadah
                                           💕 Telekung & Sejadah               💕 Garmin & Sunglasses
                                           💕 Action Camera                         💕 Camera

No need to be so specific until THE day lah, eh? So basically, we are exchanging 4 trays as previously agreed. It's not to prove anything but just the fact that I don't always want stuff and deciding what I want (even for my birthday) is hard for me.

We met Kak Wannie at 8:30pm at her place and there's where we discussed about the items, color, design and such. The appointment didn't last more than an hour and Kak Wannie and her youngest daughter was so nice and accommodating.

In the end, besides ordering trays from her, we also ordered sireh dara & a flower bouquet. Jhon and I always go back and forth on whether should we DIY our bouquet, buy from Versari Ade or from Gubahan Cinta. When I knew about her price, I was like OKAY GO! I forgot to ask her about sireh lat-lat but it's easy to DIY so it's no issue.

It's so nice to know within 1 appointment, we have settled 3 items.



   

Our Wedding Song

Music holds a part in our lives. We sometimes use it as a theme song in our daily lives to make it interesting. Whether daydreaming in the bus, singing randomly because you are such in a good mood or that specific song that reminds you of your loved ones.

Music is generally always played during special occasions and that includes a wedding but what makes it different is that ONE (or two) special song that will be played at a specific moment. For Western weddings, it would played during their first dance as a married couple.

For Malay weddings, macamana eh?

Usually, it's played during the second grand entrance with a different outfit and/or during cake cutting. This is not a must. You can ask the DJ to play any song but if you want to specific, you can tell your DJ the song and when to play it.

So what will our song will be?

Since our first main ceremony outfit will be in Malay traditional clothes and to be followed by kompang, we wish to have our Pinoy clothes accompanied with Pinoy music.

Our song in Pinoy song is Minamahal Kita by Parokya Ni Edgar. Yes, it does have lovey-dovey history which I won't indulge here. haha Anyways, I love Parokya Ni Edgar's songs to a point we did went to their concert when they visited 6 years ago!



Initially, we feared that the beats might be too fast for us to walk down the aisle. Yes, we practiced and it was so funny! But I guess, we don't have to walk according to the beat per say.

We also considered english songs like Alanis Morissette's Head Over Feet our 2nd lovey-dovey song.



And our 3rd lovey-dovey song even though it's not exactly a song. lol It's Tim Minchin's You Grew On Me. When I heard the song, all I could think was Jhon. Tim does musical comedy so the song was hilarious, gory but relatable to me! Listen and you might understand. haha


The pace is slow but when we practiced with the song, we can't stop giggling because of the lyrics. lol

We also love More than a feeling by Boston. BUT I realized it's actually a sad song although the chorus is perfect.



We have other songs in mind but I think it's all boiled down to these 3. I guess we will truly make up our mind as the date comes closer.

   

Honeymoon Booked!

If you have read my post on honeymoon choices, you have a rough idea of our plans and problems. In the end, we made a decision to go to an Asian country. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise since now we have extra cash to take Jhon's family for sightseeing when they come over.

It's not Thailand, not Indonesia, not Philippines...

But Cambodia!


I know right? It's not really a typical honeymoon but not that it matters. I just want to visit a place I've never been before. I don't mind going to beaches but if I have a say, I need that adventure or at least feed my need to explore new places.

Jhon and I booked via Chan Brothers for Cambodia's itinerary. We were lucky they have the exact itinerary we wanted so there was no stress in making our own. Jhon has visited Cambodia before, specifically at Phoem Penh and it's villages for his company's charity work.

What draws me to Cambodia is my dream to be a tomb raider ala Angelina Jolie. haha



Angkor Wat is definitely one of the places I wanted to visit.
Do you also know that Cambodia is also known for it's sunsets and sunrise?


The package we took also includes a trip to Sihanoukville a province in the southwest which is known for the beaches. Cambodia is not hyped for their beaches unlike Thailand and Indonesia so I am looking forward to check it out. We even considered extending a night just to have a free day.



Until then, I can't wait to start to travel blog and vlog.


   

Our 2nd Appointment with VideoSmith

Read our 1st appointment with Videosmith here.

So it's our last appointment with Videosmith until our wedding day which is of today, 1 months time! Yikes!


For this appointment, we just went through our itinerary, watched a completed wedding video, discussed about what is going to happen, answer any questions or doubts and chit chat.

Note for those who are hiring videographers or even photographers, please give them a heads up for any broken family dynamic. At least, they are well prepared and know what are the dos and don'ts when it comes to your family. I told them mine and they were grateful because there were situations they were caught off guard.

So far, we are so lucky to have wonderful, friendly and sincere vendors to work with. Umi and Fad is definitely in the top 3 best people we worked with. They are professional yet down to earth and open. I was more than happy to know that Fad himself will be the videographer of the day which will make us more relaxed since we are comfortable with him.

We had the option having our second deposit 1 month before or 1 week before the wedding. Since there is no need for another appointment 1 week before, we placed our second deposit. No need to waste time to meet again just to pay. hehe

All we need to do now is pass Umi family/ friends' contact number so she can brief them for the 'interview' or talking sessions.

1 month to go everybody! Here comes the chaos.

   

Nadya Aqilah's Mini Photoshoot

The photos are to celebrate Nadya's 1 month but we got so busy the weeks after the photo shoot and didn't have time to sit down and edit but here it is. Our amateur photo shoot.





It's so funny that she is crossed eyed.
 




If you follow me on my Instagram, you would know that after crocheting my 'bunga rampai', I ventured to crocheting baby stuff for Nadya. I'm still a pro but look at these!

A photo posted by Zura Rahim (@zzanyy) on





Lastly, a simple one.





The End!

We tired her out so much until she slept like a log the rest of the day.


   

NKF's Pawfect Health Day

Last year, Jhon and I signed up for NKF's Pawfect Health day but it was postponed because of the haze for safety reasons. It was pushed all the way to March 2016.

The event was at Bishan-Ang Mo Kio Park Grand Lawn and the event revolves around fun for pets and us. There was  B2K Dog Obstacle Challenge,  NKF Obstacle Challenge, Most beautiful pet contest , Pet Adoption Drive, Hamster Race, Kidney Walk among performances and booths.

The main reason we went it's because our love of animals and was look forward to the B2K Dog Obstacle Challenge and Most beautiful pet contest. We may be  Muslims and we have strict rules about touching dogs but that does not mean we hate dogs eh? Plus, I do have sabun sertu just in case.


Of course, the first one I zoomed for is the kitty booth by Pet Safari. I think throughout the entire event, I only saw 5 cats and poor things, panting in the hot sun despite of their ice packs.


One of the iconic doggies there.


When we arrived, the event had already started for a good 30 minutes so we didn't miss that much. The crowd was not at it's fullest yet but booths and the obstacle races were full with eager people.



Dogs up for adoption where hanging around at their respective booths. I am glad this time, I didn't teared up because I was mentally ready. My level of empathy is very high.  Look at these happy doggies!



The sky was blue with some clouds wandering by. It was hot and humid but it was windy. YEY!





One of my favorite dogs there! And apparently, it liked me too. It stood so close to me, literally next to me waiting to be pet. But sorry, doggy, I can't. I bet people are wondering why this 'Chinese' lady don't want to pet her when it's begging for one.


So cute that I don't care it's blur.


This badass is actually blind because she is 12 years old. What I love about her is her spunk. She roamed around the area as if she is not blind. Sniffing and smiling and also pooping. lol


Maybe the happiest dog there with it's little bandit.










The pet obstacle race. I imagined the dogs would be more trained, jumping through  hoops like Superman, weaving through the poles like The Flash but they are just regular dogs the owners make them join. That does not mean it's boring though! There were laughable moments when the dogs refused to go through the tunnel or when the owner actually jumped over the hurdle (while wearing the dress) and the dog just watched. hahaha



By evening, Jhon and I just rested on a small stage and this kitty joined. This kitty had ran and hid to us because it was not very comfortable. I mean, look at her face.


And the walk starts!


Apparently, this guy is known in this kind of community. He owns a parrot, dog, a rabbit and a cat!





Paris Hilton kind of dogs. haha


The walk was a short one so before making a round back to the event, Jhon and I lingered sideways to head home not before checking this place out.
How come we didn't know about this place ah? It's so beautiful! Kites were flying, children were catching guppies, it was not crowded and people were friendly.



Anyways, that was it. Jhon and I just walked randomly and found a bustop and found ourselves at Junction 8 for dinner and headed home. I'm glad we attended the event. I've never been that close to dogs before. I like dogs but they can be unpredictable base on how trained they are. The dogs in my area especially in my block are so bad though. Barking at people and what is worst, the person walking the dog wouldn't do anything about it!

Well, here's my vlog of the day!